one year later

An entire year has passed since I became newly single, and my search for happiness began. In hindsight, I'm not entirely sure why allowed myself to be unhappy and and in a toxic relationship for so long, but I've long since forgiven myself dor that. If I never dated C, I'd never have met Shaun. Shaun's not the entire reason for my happiness, but he's a major player. Not a day goes by that I don't smile when I think about or talk to him. We just celebrated our first anniversary; both agree that it's been the easiest year of our lives. :)

Thankful

C sent me a text message today, asking when I am off work tomorrow. He and I have been having a sort of battle royal, and have decided to cut ties with each other. I think it's the best thing we could possibly do, considering how much he stresses me out. We have been trying to get his dresser and nightstand moved out of my apartment, but there have been some roadblocks (he was out of town when I hauled his stuff out into the breezeway!). He told me that his friend Shane will be coming by to pick up his stuff...while I can't stand Shane either, I am much more willing to deal with him at this point than C.

None of this should be a big deal at all, and he and I should be able to be cordial with each other. It's so stupid to have so much drama around the picking up of Maggie, and being considerate with holiday plans. This is what started the entire fight between the two of us, and I'm not really willing to go over it on here. I have to say that I'm glad that we are through talking, and I don't have to deal with him anymore. No more drama, no more anything. I can live my life and be happy :) This is the one time that I will say this: Thank goodness for Shane :)

Holiday goodies

No, I'm not talking about food (although, I did venture off my healthier eating plan this weekend though. My bloated state is clear evidence of all the mashed potatoes...)! I got to spend my first Christmas with Shaun, and it was truly wonderful. We went to his dad's family Christmas on the 24th, which was so much fun! There was a small gift exchange beforehand with just Shaun, Heather and their dad and stepmom. I though it was very nice that they put up a stocking for me and also got me a gift; completely unnecessary, but very sweet. When the entire family came, I once again felt as if I fit right in. His grandma came and sat with me and Heather; I joked around with some of the cousins and even got an "evil elf" gift. I love that I feel so comfortable with him and his family.

Initially, I was going to be on my own for my families Christmas; however Shaun's mom got some kind of stomach bug so he was able to come after all. I didn't want Heather to be alone on Christmas Day, so I invited her to come as well. While the drive was long (1.5 hours one way), it was well worth it. Shaun and Heather both looked really comfortable with my family and Shaun was able to bond with my dad and uncle Dale. The white elephant gift exchange worked out perfectly also. Both Shaun and Heather brought something to contribute, and I think their gifts were the best two in the bunch! I'm pretty excited to see what next year's will be :) Shaun and I decided not to do gifts this year; it seems so early in our relationship and it's just not necessary. Even without the presents, I think this has been my favorite Christmas yet. I love him SO MUCH, and it just makes me really overjoyed to have a man who is actively engaged in what is important to me, and actually wants to be around my family also. He was really excited to meet everyone, and he wasn't a bit nervous. I know I say this a lot, but I really am a lucky lady to have such a wonderful person to share my life with. I can't wait to get to grow old with him.

The plan...

I had a very difficult time sleeping last night. I kept thinking about my sister, and the challenge walk. The more I think about it, the more it sounds like my mission for 2011. I just need to decide whether to do the walk in St. Louis, or the walk in Wisconsin. I like that if I do the challenge walk in Missouri, it stays within the mid-west. If I do Wisconsin, it will only go to benefit the Wisconsin chapter. That's how I read it anyway.

I found an 18 week marathon walking program that I will do to build myself up for it. I plan to take it seriously, so that I can finish in a decent amount of time each day. It is 50 miles afterall! I need to recruit some help on fundraising, since I'm not the most successful at raising funds for things like this. I think that a poker tournament would be a great way to raise money, also bake sales, etc. I'm just not sure where I would HOLD a bake sale. I need help!

My wonderful friend Tim said that he would walk with me on a team, and contribute to my fundraising effort, which I am thankful for. I appreciate his willingness. There's a reason I call him my brother :) My best friend, Andrea, also said that she would seriously consider walking with me too. I'm thankful for that.

I really want to be the most supportive sister I can be for Lauren, and aside from emotional support, this is the biggest thing that I can think of doing to show her how much I love and care for her. It feels really good to have a goal (albeit a monster goal it seems right now) for the year, and to have something to train for!

I'm just full of updates

I think that's all this is becoming...update central. I need to get better at posting things on here. This was supposed to be about a journey, and now all I seem to have time for is updating the one or two people who read this, and already know what's going to be posted on here!

The biggest thing I have an update about is my family-in particular, one person. This person is my baby sister. She had a spinal tap done a few weeks ago to check for MS (not sure if I posted anything on here about that or not; I would have to re-read my last post). The test results came back a few days ago, and they came back positive. This is both positive and negative, if that's even possible. The good news is that they caught the MS early enough to try and aggressively treat it, so that she might have a better chance at a having a more normal life. She goes to St. Louis probably after the first of the year to see a specialist for treatment options. The bad news is that, well, she has MS. I never wanted this for my sister. If anyone knows her at all, they know that she has already been through the ringer on things that have happened in her life. She and I have spoken about things that we can do together to try and help her through this in the long term, and one of them is yoga. Studies have shown that yoga (as well as other regular exercise) is a great way to help the MS symptoms and help to continue to build strength. She was excited about the prospect of doing yoga together, and quite frankly, so am I. I really want the best for her; just as I want for the rest of my family. I know that I made her sad when she heard me starting to cry over the phone, but I just couldn't help it. While MS is not a death sentence, it can be extremely debilitating and I just don't want her to suffer any more than she has to. I wish I could just take it on for her.

There are a few MS challenge walks this next year, and I would like to be able to do one for her. They are each 50 miles, over three days. The first walk is in June, and the second one that I would consider is in September. I would rather do the June walk, but we will see. I told Lauren about it, and she was also really happy to hear that I wanted to do this for her. It would be like walking a marathon two days in a row, then almost a half the third day. It's a lot to build up for, but it is totally worth it. My sister has always meant the world to me, and I would walk through fire for her. 50 miles is nothing if it helps raise funds.

I don't really have much more to tell. My ex is getting ready to take Maggie full time after Tuesday of next week. That is his last final. I'm so sad to see her go. I just spent 5 days without her, and as happy as I was to be with my boyfriend the whole time, I really missed my dog. She's been by my side for almost three years now, and I just adore her. She makes me smile and laugh every single day. Life without her is just not going to be the same. I know that I'm doing the right thing, and I know that I can still see her as often as I want, but it is not the same. I know that C will take good care of her-she was his dog too. She was my baby though.

Weekend Update

I had a pretty eventful weekend. My cousin, Catrina invited me to a Mavericks game (ice hockey) with herself and her sons on Friday night. The game was a lot of fun to watch; not very many fights, but the ones that did break out were pretty good. It was great to be able to spend time her. She and I haven't spent a whole lot of time together in a very long time. It has been almost six years actually. Saturday, I had my family's "Redneck Thanksgiving" which was also fun. I got to shoot a gun (which I probably don't need to do again!) and I saw Brody and Andrew, which was nice. Andrew didn't have too much to say, which I suppose is understandable. He'll get over things eventually...I'm really glad that I got to see my nephew. I miss him so much; Sadie too, but that's a whole different situation. Saturday night was Shaun and Chuck's double birthday party. I got to meet more of Shaun's friends whom he rarely gets to see either because they are always busy or they live out of town. It was nice to get to know them better. All of them said that Shaun has been telling them all kinds of wonderful things about me, which is great :) I of course, got drunk and ended up wrestling UFC style with Chuck. I got him in two pretty amazing sleeper holds. Shaun tried to get me in one, and I rolled him onto the floor in his kitchen to get myself out of it. He fared much better than Chuck. By the time it was all said and done, I ended up kicking Chuck in the face, and the second time, the poor guy got punched in the face by me. The only reason he won that one was because he tried to squeeze my stomach into my throat, and I couldn't get out of the hold. It vaguely reminded me of a hulk hands situation with Andrea, back in like 2006 or something! Fun times.

Today was pretty mellow. I picked up Maggie from C's mom's house, had a quick lunch and then napped with the pup. When I got up, I went back to Shaun's and watched the Chiefs game then Knocked Up with him and Heather, while we ate Chinese food. It's funny; I feel more at home with him there than I do at my own apartment. I guess that's not funny, really...I see myself with him for the long haul, so it would make sense that he feels like "home" to me. I never want to leave him at the end of the night. Tonight was no exception...here it is, 1 am in the morning, and I only got home about half an hour ago. I stay as long as I can every time, and the goodbyes take forever. He and I decided tonight that we are not going to do Christmas presents. Neither of us really need anything, and both of us have said previously that we would rather not buy gifts if we don't have to. I like being able to get him presents whenever I feel like it. This isn't to say that maybe next year, when we've been together longer, we might get each other something small. Just not this year.

That's it for my weekend update. Thanks for reading. Peace and love to you all :)

Time for an update

I finally heard back from the Peace Corps! My "thanks, but no thanks" letter came in the mail last week. Am I disappointed? No. I am glad that I made the attempt to join, and I realized going in that my lack of schooling may have hindered me from being seriously considered. I have a lot on my plate for this coming year anyway. I signed up for college (finally), and will be taking an accelerated math and english course during the first semester, then moving into more studies during the second semester. I'm pretty excited to get started. I will say, Shaun is happy that I will be staying state-side. The two of us are making plans to travel, and are very excited to get started. We will be going to Sanibel Island in Florida in June with his family, and then in November of next year we will travel to Italy for a romantic (and food filled) vacation. I am looking forward to seeing Rome and Venice with a man as amazing as he is. I couldn't ask for a better partner in life (minus my HSL of course).

It's been such a short amount of time, but both of us know already in our hearts that this is it. We have so much in common and are so happy together. I miss him the moment I leave him, and can't wait to get to see him again. I have to actively stop myself from thinking about him so that I can get work done. Shaun is also the first man (since high school) that I have had absolutely ZERO doubts about as far as fidelity, honesty...anything. I trust him 110% and I love that I can be myself around him. I'm not holding anything back, and it feels truly liberating, exhilarating, amazing...you get the picture. The thought of spending the rest of my life with this man just seems natural and good. I thank God every day for showing me such a truly fantastic man.

In other news, since I will be so busy with school, and with the fact that I am rarely home as it is now...C will be taking Maggie to live with him. It's the best case scenario I believe. I will still get to see her frequently, and she will have a better home life. I feel awful that she spends so much time alone. It makes me feel guilty; like I am a bad pet-mommy. I want her to be happy and healthy (emotionally), so I felt it was best to seek another home out for her. C couldn't bear the thought of her going to a stranger, so he offered to take her. I'm grateful for that; I couldn't imagine her being away from me like that. I have had Maggie since she was three weeks old. C and I are the only owners she has ever known. I love her so much, and will miss her being away but I know that she will be happier in the long run. Next month, Maggie will reside in a different place. That's going to be tough to swallow for me.

I believe that is all the news I have for tonight. Peace and love to you all!